I have been struggling so much lately. My circumstances and my thoughts. So much of it is just the enemy, but it still wears me out. Like big waves in the ocean. I keep coming up for air and then I get pulled down again. Right now I have fiery darts coming from every different direction. The roaring lion is prowling around my home, and I am worn out.
But I know it is just a season, and if I resist the enemy he will flee from me.
Even if it is just to come back at a more opportune time.
And in all of this, I see my frailty and my humanity and my weakness. I can’t deny it. I am weak. I am tired.
And in all of this, I see my great need for daily salvation.
For the daily forgiveness and for confession.
Remembering what He has done for me.
Oh break me Lord.
I need the potters wheel.
I need the Father to hold me and shape me.
And I was sitting here tonight, longing for the Word of God to speak to me exactly where I need it. And I wanted to listen to a Bible study and relax (I am sick). I was thinking how I need to be preached to. I need to hear the gospel. I searched for a David Wilkerson study.
He preaches a true gospel.
Not seeker friendly.
The gospel of repentance, obedience, devotion to Christ.
I need that gospel.
I need the truth.
I don’t want my ears tickled.
I don’t want some pastor to tell me that I am doing the best I can, and God understands if I just want to give up and live like normal people for a day (or a week). I don’t want someone to pamper my flesh or to pander to my carnal nature. I don’t want someone to tell me it is okay to just settle. Don’t coddle me; inspire me. Fire me up! I need a drill sergeant to tell me to press into the presence of Christ. I need to train for this war. I need to keep focused.
God says to my heart, “Can a maid forget her ornaments, or a bride her attire? yet my people have forgotten me days without number” (Jeremiah 2:32).
I must stay focused!
Sometimes when God wants to get our attention, it hurts /our pride/.
When He reveals our lukewarm or apathetic inner reality.
Our inclinations to just veg out, turn on the TV and /not/ pray about our problems, but ignore them.
Just to ignore the mountain for a bit.
To not have to think.
Oh, Lord forgive me.
Please set me right. Please give me a new heart. Please pray for me Lord, like You prayed for Peter. Please strengthen me to endure these trials. I don’t want some fake positive affirmation of man to hold onto this coming year, I want Your Word and Your Word alone.
“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all of your heart. I will be found by you says the LORD, and I will bring you back from your captivity.” Jeremiah 29:11-14
He will be found by me.
I will seek Him.
I will be delivered from this captivity.
He is my Hope.
He is my Refuge.
In the end, all of this will just strengthen my faith. So I can endure more and more, with His massive hand enveloping my own.
“For ye have need of patience, that, after ye have done the will of God, ye might receive the promise.” Hebrews 10:36
I am sure that the Lord is just preparing us for the evil days ahead.
“My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.” James 1:2-4
Here is the study I was listening to tonight: