Pastor Bob Coy, The Church, Adultery, Consequences and Grace

This weekend has brought some terrible news. According to an article at the Phoenix Preacher, Pastor Bob Coy of Calvary Chapel Fort Lauderdale has admitted to committing adultery and has been dismissed from his ministry. This claim of adultery has now been confirmed by the mainstream media.

My heart is grieved. I can’t imagine what shame he must be feeling right now. What guilt and embarrassment. I am praying for him.

I am also very concerned for his wife Diane. I have heard her teach the Bible before and she is a great speaker. I feel so saddened for her. Not only did her marriage practically fall apart. But now she has also somewhat lost her ministry, as a senior pastor’s wife. Sure God will still use her and bless her, but it will be much different now. I am so grieved for her.

This situation is tragic.

I have been on the church website reading the official statement, and many of the comments. The sheep at that church are so precious. They are loving their pastor. They don’t seem to know what to say, and they are just sharing their hearts and sharing supportive comments. Bless their hearts for their faithfulness and compassion. They have been sinned against too. But I think for some reason, many of them do not feel okay to mourn over this and instead feel the need to minimize it and dismiss it with reckless grace.

They have been sinned against for a while. By a man who has despite [allegedly] committing adultery with two different women just this year, has stood in the pulpit and tried to share the Word of God with dirty hands. That is a great shame. Living in gross sin one day, then putting on a godly face and entering the pulpit on Sunday. Where is the fear of God? Where is the deep deep dread to get in the pulpit and teach the word, knowing that you have sin that you didn’t deal with? How do you expect the Holy Spirit to bless that teaching?

I don’t know about you, but if I say a mildly bad word during the week I have a hard time acting holy at church on Sunday. I feel exposed. Like everyone can tell I messed up! Even knowing God forgave me, I still am aware of my sin. How do you not feel that nakedness, after adultery?

Another thing that bothers me is that instead of the church calling it adultery in their official announcement, they call it a “moral failure.” I think in the spirit of love they are trying to spin it in a less damaging light. But that diminishes it. The Bible doesn’t call it a moral failure. It is one of the Ten Commandments! Let us call it what it is.

If we don’t call it what it is, we are minimizing it. We are then responsible for other people minimizing it in their own lives. People will excuse it and say, “We all sin” — forgetting that leaven spreads.

The church has done the right thing, in removing him, and being open about what happened. They are tempering justice with love and gentleness and that is good. But people are confused. Sin always brings confusion. And when we love people, we often don’t know how to feel about their sins. So we have these precious church members calling for him to be restored, saying they forgive him, and that we need to give him grace.

But isn’t there a season for consequences?

I don’t want him roasted over a pit of fire or thrown into a volcano. But the Corinthian church was rebuked for their excessive tolerance of gross sexual sin.

“It is actually reported that there is sexual immorality among you, and such sexual immorality as is not even named among the Gentiles—that a man has his father’s wife!  And you are puffed up, and have not rather mourned, that he who has done this deed might be taken away from among you.” 1 Corinthians 5:1-2

There is a time to mourn over this.

It is okay.

Being upset about it is not the same thing as throwing stones.

We forget that when Jesus said “He who is without sin, cast the first stone” that He was talking about LITERAL STONES, not words or feelings.

It is okay to hold him responsible for what he did.

It is okay to say that this is not okay.

God gives grace.

But we still face consequences when we sin.

Some of the people leaving comments are too early to extend restoration. It isn’t time yet. There needs to be this process; he doesn’t get a free pass from this, just because we want to feel generous about our tolerance and love.

Here are some comments:

“. . .  David failed so many times in the bible, but that doesn’t mean God took out the Psalms.”

This person is upset that the church temporarily removed his teachings . . .

“If men who sinned had their Christian written teachings removed, we would not have anything left of the Bible! Moses, David, Matthew, Mark, Luke, John, Paul… ALL of them AND us have fallen short of the Glory of God, but Jesus already forgave us all!”

This woman is wondering why he has been removed from the pulpit, and implies he is almost the victim . . .

“Completely supportive of a Pastor Bob. We are all sinners. Just because he is a pastor does not mean he is immune to it. In fact, pastors and leaders are attacked more because they are infringing on the devil’s territory. King David wasn’t forced to give up the throne when he fell. Pastor Bob, we love you.”

and this person thinks Jesus would tell Bob, “it’s okay”. . .

 “If Jesus were here today what would he say to Pastor Bob. What would he do. Jesus would wrap his arms around Bob and say son it’s ok I forgive you.”

And this person thinks that we are just to ignore what happened and just pray. . .

“For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. We are in no position to judge Pastor Bob. We are only in a position to pray for him and his family, as well as newer or weaker believers whose foundations may be shaken by the knowledge that our leaders are not infallible. Pray, brothers and sisters. Pray.”

But people got hurt.

BAD.

His wife . . . I can’t imagine what she is going through right now.

And yet the majority of the comments on the Facebook and church website say,

“We are in no position to judge Pastor Bob”

But Paul disagrees . . .

 I wrote to you in my epistle not to keep company with sexually immoral people.  Yet I certainly did not mean with the sexually immoral people of this world, or with the covetous, or extortioners, or idolaters, since then you would need to go out of the world.  But now I have written to you not to keep company with anyone named a brother, who is sexually immoral, or covetous, or an idolater, or a reviler, or a drunkard, or an extortioner—not even to eat with such a person.

For what have I to do with judging those also who are outside? Do you not judge those who are inside?  But those who are outside God judges. Therefore “put away from yourselves the evil person.” (1 Corinthians 5:9-13).

That sounds so harsh huh, especially when it now applies to a beloved pastor.

And the church, we get on our soapboxes right?

We stand bravely and protest the disgusting sins of the world! But we don’t do this when it is one of our own. I think the world notices too. They see us protesting Starbucks because they support gay marriage, but not protesting our own immorality. We yell at the world with clenched fists, but then coddle and defend the sinners in our camps.

The whole Anthony Weiner scandal, remember how grossed out we got over this guys “moral failures?” We talked about how shameful, nasty and unprofessional it was. Right?

Well guess what?

Anthony Weiner is not a Christian. We are not to judge the sexually immoral of the world, but we are supposed to judge the sexually immoral Christian.

Why do we scream that it is it wrong for a non-Christian to live to please the sinful nature, but when a pastor does it we long to cover it up or somehow sanitize it? Is the blood of Christ a free pass to continue in sin?

“What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin, that grace may abound? God forbid. How shall we, that are dead to sin, live any longer therein?” Romans 6:1-2

We are wrong when we get so upset about Miley Cyrus naked on a wrecking ball, and Bill Clinton having “relations” with an intern, and Tiger Wood’s shocking scandal . . . but when a Pastor that we love sins we don’t cry about it, but try to defend him: insta-grace.

What if we found out Pastor Bob broke a different commandment, like murder? Say he murdered two people this year. Would people be so quick to excuse it, “David killed Uriah, so . . . “

Or what if he began to dabble in idolatry? “So, Solomon committed idolatry . . . “

Adultery is a big deal.

Adultery hurts people.

This is a big deal.

And God forgives. 

This is a really big deal.

And God still forgives.

God forgives when we confess and repent, but we still have to face the consequences.

Right now, Bob is facing the consequences.

It is okay for him to do that.

If he clings to God, he will be okay.

It doesn’t mean we don’t love him or pray for him and his family.

But let’s not try to rush the process.

There is a time for reconciliation.

We who are spiritual should gently restore him, when he has gone through his process.

And maybe not to pastoral ministry . . . but . . .

But certainly to love and fellowship.

I think my caution right now, is seeing the church almost excuse what he did because “everyone sins.”

That sentiment is well meaning.

But it doesn’t help the situation at all.

It doesn’t help his wife, his church, or him.

It would be better to quietly acknowledge, “Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap.  For he who sows to his flesh will of the flesh reap corruption, but he who sows to the Spirit will of the Spirit reap everlasting life. And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.” (Galatians 5:7-9).

For it is a sober warning and it applies to us all.

In the meantime, do not look to man but keep your eyes on Christ and finish your race.

“Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us,  looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” (Hebrews 12:1-2)

And pray for Bob Coy, his family and his church.

God bless.

The Scandalous Church

 

 

 

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About The Last Hiker

Following Him Up the Mountain
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414 Responses to Pastor Bob Coy, The Church, Adultery, Consequences and Grace

  1. Marie says:

    You wrote in this blog everything I was thinking. I agree 100%. It seems like we care more to make this pastor feel okay or “loved” then we do to care about his wife. I saw a lot of comments about showing grace to the pastor…. But not much about his wife and how she needs to be prayed for and loved.

    • Deborah says:

      The face book posts I have seen are praying for Diane and the kids. There are many that are forgiving of Bob and miss him and that is bewildering. His wife needs to forgive him first. He needs to do the work to get that relationship back. These women that he had the affairs with may come forward and that will only cause more hurt and pain. It’s not over and just the beginning of a long slow discovery process. I am still trying to sort out the information myself and feel that this may have been a pattern of behavior that has been going on for a long time. I still haven’t decided if I am going back to the church yet. Some people want to show solidarity but Bob has hurt his family and the congregation and it will take along time for me to forgive him and what he has done. I feel like he cheated on the congregation and the fact that I sat there for so many years getting fed by someone that needed redemption himself just doesn’t make sense to me. Where was his inner circle to hold him accountable? Or were they covering up for him? How could anyone not know? I am hoping that the assistant pastors will shed some light on the situation in their sermons. I still feel Bob should have delivered his message in person and not by letter. Prayers to his family.

  2. VanPastorMan says:

    Hasn’t the Calvary Chapel network of churches had problems over the years with immorality? I don’t know if it’s a faulty church model,but something seems to be wrong. Can anybody substantiate this? Does Calvary Chapel as a whole have a serious sin problem in this area?

    • soultivating says:

      I think it’s a people problem. People are sinful, not matter how much favor the Lord has given them in position. I think that there are a lot of church members, pastors, leaders, etc in every state, country, and region that have THIS issue, but it’s hush-hush because of the shame. I think that instead of trying to find the issue within an organization people must begin to evaluate their lives to make it measure up to what the Bible says is holy.

    • Anonymous says:

      Man;Woman, has a serious sin problem. We ALL fall short of the glory of God and need to remember,”there by the GRACE of God go I”. It is judgement when we( who are not apart of that fellowship) determine how someone should be disciplined. That is to be determined by those in authority at that particular fellowship. If one has an issue with the punishment, cry out to God. As far as, “Calvary Chapel as a whole have a serious sin problem…” of course they do. Just like You, Me, and every other Believer out there. I fear the one that says in their heart, ” NOT ME! I would never….” Watch that you stand, lest you fall. Why are we so quick to eat our own? The Body at C.C. Ft. Lauderdale, in my opinion is Seeking God’s wisdom. This is painful, but I read a comment from, Doug Sauder, That I believe illuminates why the Body is not condemning Bob, but rather standing with him in prayer, not accepting his Sin as okay, or permissible, but standing as “one” in love, weeping with them(Bob and his family) as they weep,” In times of crisis, the value of those who’ve experienced the storms of life are incalculable. I can say with great gratitude that God has surrounded our church with many men who fit that exact description. They’re men whose roots run deep into the soil of God’s character. They know Him well, and it has a calming and stabilizing effect on others…Lastly, crisis reveals the true character of the Lord. God’s character is constant and never changes. But there are times when we’re more dialed-in than others to His voice and His actions on our behalf. Crisis is the time when our hearts tend to be most attuned to His, and He has a perfect track record of faithfulness towards those who trust in Him.” I have always enjoyed the teachings of Bob Coy. God anointed him to teach and teach he did. He fell. We all fall.
      Thankfully, when we fall it is not broadcasted across the internet. Imagine if it were….imagine how you would feel being picked apart. Imagine standing before the Lord trying to justify giving the Atheist/unbeliever more fuel to not trust in the saving power of Jesus. They watch us…God will hold us accountable. Fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.

      • Your comment kind of reminds me of how people function in a dysfunctional family. You always have codependent enablers who try to force everyone to hide the dirty little secret. Saying, “what will people think of our family” and “nobody is perfect.” To justify not holding people responsible for their choices.

  3. Warren Kniskern says:

    As so many have shared already, obviously Pastor Bob made a risky choice to do what he did. To be sure, he did not choose wisely (as he so often encouraged everyone at CCFL to do). But among the many significant factors adversely affecting this choice, there is a prominent one that merits highlighting.

    When one is in a high profile ministry like that of CCFL, it’s almost like you have a tiger by the tail. If you are in a position of power and realize that you’re getting in over your head in personal sin, you can feel trapped in ways that go beyond your immediate situation. This leads to a process of elaborate and complex rationalization: Do I “take the medicine” and come clean with my congregation, but weather the “side effects” of losing my ministry and the faithful trust of thousands who have been positively affected by what I’ve shared from the pulpit, possible destruction of my family, and bring the Lord’s work into public disgrace, or do I instead forego taking the medicine and hope, by some miracle, another option will open up for me when I can exit gracefully? The irony is that so often the Lord comes in to force us to “take the medicine”–side effects and all–and often at a time when the side effects will be even more severe. You can almost hear this struggle being outlined by Pastor Bob himself in his message regarding Joel 3:14 entitled “Side Effects,” as delivered on 5/29/11.

    The CCFL ministry structure may not have served Pastor Bob well in possibly viewing him as an “untouchable” and giving him a pass for personal accountability. That didn’t help, for sure. But the ultimate responsibility for handling this crisis was, and is, Pastor Bob’s alone before our Lord. Even so, it is a minefield that would challenge any flesh and blood. So I’m very empathetic regarding the thorny dilemma framed by this compelling dynamic.

    Yes, we have a choice in matters like this. But the fallout from whatever decision we make often can be a “Catch 22″ situation if sin has progressed beyond its earliest stage when matters possibly could have been dealt with privately and more discreetly, while minimizing those awful side effects. It will be very interesting to see how Pastor Bob, Diane and his children, CCFL leadership, and yes even the women involved in this crisis, handle this difficult situation from this point forward. I pray that they will all indeed, “Choose wisely!”

    • Mark Snyder says:

      It really makes me wonder if God intended churches to become like this. My wife and I were discussing this last night. Not that God can and does use churches but seriously one man raised up with this kind of power and responsibility inside these huge ministries….Media, Schools, Book stores, etc. Is this what Paul had in mind when laying down the standards in 1 Timothy for elders and deacons? And if Paul did, why did he not lay down procedures within the same text for “restoring” the disqualified? Can we just be honest? Who is Bob supposed to confide in and trust…let alone any high powered pastor? There is so much to lose from a “church” point of view if “the cat” gets out of the bag. The church really needs to look at the hierarchy of pastors and probably eliminate the “senior” title and put all pastors on the same level and trade off teaching days. C’mon there are senior pastors out there teaching four of the same sermons within a 24 hour period…(Saturday night service to the last Sunday service)… This should happen to eliminate “superstar” status which leads to temptation and exclusion. As to the adultery, if we are supposed to follow Jesus and his example, the woman caught in adultery is the only example in scripture. The scene was out in the open and nothing to hide. Jesus kneels and writes on the ground and then proclaims he who is without sin throw the first stone. People start leaving without accusation or throwing stones. Jesus asks the woman where are your accusers? Has no one condemned you? He didn’t tell her to go home and get restored or stop your job and go get counseling at the synagogue. His final words to her: neither do I condem you, go now leave your life of sin.

      • You are asking great questions and making good points. But you falsely correlate the woman caught in adultery to Bob Coy going through the process of church discipline. Jesus forgave her sins and offered her salvation. He is doing the same thing for Bob Coy. This has nothing to do with a minister leading a double life, while in the pulpit for an extended period of time. You can’t just allow him to keep pastoring while he in in the process of healing and repenting and focusing on his family. What do you honestly think he is in the shape of teaching? The only thing he can teach at this moment is a warning that it wasn’t worth it. We should take note and be warned. We should be scared of ourselves falling into sin. But there is no way I would sit in a church right now and listen to him speak to me about honesty, integrity, virtue, and family. He has disqualified himself for that, for now. It would be meaningless. But church discipline benefits the body of Christ. It purges the leaven. It removes our natural tendency to excuse our sins, and tolerate them. It is healthy what is happening. And seriously, it is healthy for Bob and his family to have the pressure and spotlight taken off of them. They can get real. This is public, but the healing process is very private

        • Bianca Gibree says:

          Amen!

        • Mark Snyder says:

          I agree with you about what is happening is healthy. So the leaven, at least in Bobs life, is now cleansed from the church. So what happens to Bob? Where are the scriptures to describe so called steps of restoration? How much time off from being a pastor? As one person has put it…his repentance needs to outweigh his sin…who is the policing board of his repentance to determine when and if that happens? I could go on and on. This is my concern and I think the church as a whole should be concerned too. But you know what, the church won’t be. In lots of church peoples minds Pastor Bob failed, is an embarrassment, got what he had coming to him, gave the church a black eye and good riddance! My guess is…(and I hope I’m wrong)…Bob is toast never to pastor again. As a pastor within the Calvary Chapels he has committed the unpardonable pastors sin. I mean you can tell white lies or exaggerations, eat like a glutton, be as prideful as a Pharisee, and a few others and stay pastor strong. But commit adultery and get caught in the open, the pastorate is over. We are to follow Jesus’ example and that’s why I used the woman caught in adultery story. I will always look to Jesus’ example when I can’t find clear direction in other scriptures. Hiker, I hear what your saying. You are a smart and well educated writer. I just wish with issues like this the church had stronger scriptural backing in its procedures. I just don’t see it.

          • I guess what is weird to me is that you are acting like Bob is the victim of a cold and heartless church. But you are not even thinking about the pain that he caused the church. The fact that he betrayed them and lied to them for a long time. That is damaging. Maybe he should respect them enough to wait until they are healed from that. Maybe that is a sign of repentance–knowing that the people you hurt have a right to be hurt, and you don’t have a right no longer to preach to them. It isn’t his right to pastor a church; it was a privilege.

            The church has a right to what you call “judgment.” So, in response to a really good and complicated question, I think that is just it . . . the church should be the one to decide when or if he is able to come back into the pulpit. And he needs to earn back their trust and respect by humbly owning what he did. He also needs to show, over a long period of time that he is no longer giving into sexual temptation. I personally would never sit under him as pastor; I might listen to his testimony of repentance.

            The thing is that this is so far down the road, that it is pointless to even wonder what this should look like. We don’t know anything at all about where he is at right now. How could we presume what circumstances his restoration would take. We will have to wait and see what he does with this.

            If that sounds unfair, think about it this way. If you keep getting DUI’s what do they do? Do you just get to keep driving? No. But why? Is it because they are mean and judgmental? No. Is it because Jesus doesn’t forgive you? No. It is because it is common sense that you need some time to deal with alcohol issues before you can be trusted behind the wheel of a car. People can get hurt if there are not serious consequences. People could have already been hurt.

            If it works in worldly situations, how much more sense does it make in church? If I sound judgmental I am sorry. I can go further. I don’t think registered sex offenders should serve in children’s ministry or leadership at church. EVER. Is that because they can’t repent or change? No. It is because we should not have to put our trust in them for the safety of our children. There are consequences. And it is common sense. So yeah, when it comes to this issue I can’t imagine Jesus forgiving them means that they are fit to be trusted and serve in ministry. Apples and oranges.

            Same with Bob. He can repent. He can be used by God still. But to ask the church to reinstate him and trust him, while they are still dizzy and confused, maybe even still sick to their stomachs and grieving is too much to ask right now.

            It isn’t time.

            I don’t know when it will be time. Or if it ever will.

            I don’t have a date.

            But to think that the church doesn’t have a right to their feelings is kind of insensitive. I think the church is absolutely tasked with the issue of deciding when or if he should ever occupy a pulpit. I honestly think we need to be MORE careful of who we allow to occupy pulpits.

            I also think it is dangerous to compare adultery to overeating and white lies. God uses the sin of adultery to symbolize the ultimate sin against Himself–idolatry. It represents the ultimate betrayal. It is a big deal. It needs to be dealt with seriously.

            Anyways, thanks for continuing this conversation.

          • I just want to say, thank you. For being open about your own history. And for sharing with us that perspective. I am sorry that you and your family felt abandoned by the church. I do not think that was healthy or appropriate. I think you should have definitely received love, fellowship, and ministry. God Bless.

  4. Anonymous says:

    Sigh.

  5. Debra Serrano says:

    This really puts things in perspective for me and I appreciate this, i felt confused, hurt even lost, not knowing how to react. I will continue to pray for God to guide our church.

  6. H.Brown says:

    So Pastor Bob Coy succumbed to “moral failure?” Is that the new politically correct term for adultery? Before his conversion to Christianity, he was a professed fornicator and womanizer. Now, he is a mere adulterer and womanizer. Fortunately, he is saved by grace and is forgiven but he still a hypocrite and the ultimate idiot. The tragic reality is that wife and kids will suffer the consequences for the rest of their lives. I hope “knowing” a woman who was not his wife was worth it. Sad sad sad…

    • ssj says:

      The Grace of GOD is freely given when only after Repentance takes place .. We don’t have license to sin thinking were already forgiven.. there are and will be consequences for sure .. Hebrews 10:26-31 …

  7. Anonymous says:

    Well written. Thank YOU!

  8. teresa says:

    Well written! THANK YOU!

  9. L S says:

    Wow, I needed to read this. Thank you.

  10. dhale says:

    Looks like lots of folks are in shock+awe – well maybe more a matter of carrying late-comer potential energy – to feel concerned, feel bad, be skeptical about all the background and underpinnings of the situation. Sheesh – doesn’t anybody stay prayed up, studied up, spiritually tuned up enough to immediately register the spirit’s quickening? No news here. Get professional, get spiritual, buck it up in Jesus and move on with your lives.

  11. Marylou Stansbury says:

    May I humbly suggest that while Bob has betrayed his family and all the rest of us who consider them family, he has not sinned against them or us. When King David finally repented and sought the Lord, he prayed “Against Thee and Thee ONLY hath I sinned”. The first time I read that, it didn’t set well with my spirit, I thought the same as you, that indeed he HAD sinned against others! Tell the family of Uriah that David hadn’t sinned against him! So I prayed long and hard for wisdom and I believe God gave me what I needed to understand this difficult verse.

    The word “sin” (missing the mark) is in reference to our wrongs (thought, words and deeds) against an almighty GOD. Only God is perfect and blameless; God does not “wink” at sin. But mankind, even after redemption, still has a sinful nature and while we can do all manner of shameful, hurtful, wrongs against one another, (one might feel betrayed, hurt, deceived, used, etc, etc, but) all those we offend are on a parallel level. One can only “sin” against a perfect, sinless, righteous God. It is a far greater offense to offend God, and therefore, putting things in their proper perspective, David first and foremost lamented his actions as they were against Almighty God. Seeking to confess FIRST to the Most High, whom he had offended, he acknowledged that all other offenses, as painful as they were, were not to be compared to his offense against God. Therefore “Sin” is a term that was and should still be reserved for wrongs against God, not to be compared to those against our fellow man.

    “Here speaketh I, not the Lord”.

    • I have heard people teach that, but I personally believe it is taking that verse out of context. In fact it is not even the complete sentence–“Against thee, and thee only, have I sinned, and done this evil in thy sight” (Psa 51:4) people leave off the second part that says “and done this evil in thy sight.” David is basically saying that he is caught. He thought he got away with it and covered his tracks–but God saw it.

      But to say that this is a doctrinal truth, that we don’t sin against people (only God) forces you to contradict Christ.

      Jesus says we do sin against people, “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” Matt 6:14-15

      Paul says we sin against people when we ask them to go against their own conscience. 1 Cor. 8:13

      People get all into semantics about this, “is it a sin or a trespass?” But that is silly. The Greek word for sin that Jesus uses is paraptoma–which is used for both our sins against people and against God.

      The thing I dislike the most about your idea that we only sin against God, is that it totally minimizes abusive situations, and disarms victims. Which is the opposite of the whole reason God hates sin! God hates abuse!!!

      David’s point is not that hurting others doesn’t matter, he was acknowledging that in all the horrible sins he committed against others–the root of all of them is not acknowledging God’s watchful eye. Now he is.

      But thank you for sharing.

      • ssj says:

        Good reply .. agree totally

      • KC Bunch says:

        Excellent reply! And yes, many take that verse from David’s declaration out of context. I know for myself, knowing I have been sinned against, means 2 things: First, as you mentioned, I have an action to take in forgiveness…allowing God to settle the score instead of insisting I be repaid for the harm, violation of trust, etc. done to me by another. The second thing is that I have a responsibility to uphold the standard given to me by God in my own life, to be accountable for my OWN behavior and choices. If I can respond to another person’s sin saying that I haven’t been sinned against and that “everyone sins”, it lessens (at least in my mind!) my need for becoming accountable for my own sin…because, again,”everybody does it”…right? Wrong…trying to diminish someone else’s sin doesn’t negate it, for them or for me. When I hold someone else accountable for their wrong-doing, both to God and to others, I must submit myself to the same standard of judgement! That means, I better get and keep my own ducks in a row! While I understand that none of us can accomplish this in our own strength and need Christ’s strength to accomplish it for us, I must also be willing to live my own life in submission to God and in accountability to my brothers and sisters in Christ. Paul did not say “Do not judge”…he said “Do not judge unless you are willing to be judged yourself”…THAT’s where the wicket gets sticky. We MUST be willing to subject ourselves to the same standard of judgement that we hold our brothers and sisters to, at least if we want to grow up into the Head, which is Christ Jesus…

    • ssj says:

      BTW .. David Confessed his sin, repented and was then forgiven .. however there were server consequences for those actions .. the child he fathered was taken by God .. ie, Died. Let’s not fool ourselves into thinking just because we are forgiven; After we confess and repent of our sins, ( i recall the story of Jesus healing the blind man .. what did he tell him? ” Go and sin No-More or something worse will happen to you!” sobering words from our Lord indeed) that there will be no consequences! Grace saves us from the wrath of the God & the fires of hell .. but not necessarily from the consequences of our willfull sinful actions… also we must remember all sin is not equal .. 1 John 5:15 explains this perfectly…. a child telling a lie is not the same as a married man willfully comminting the sin of adultery.

      • I agree. We can confess sin and be forgiven, but we still must bear the consequences. My husband had a friend who sinned sexually and got AIDS. He confessed and repented and served The Lord, that did not change his health, he still had to deal with AIDS. Sin is tragic. And yet Gods love and grace is sufficient!!!

  12. Pingback: Freedom Fighters | Reckless Grace

  13. James Maughan says:

    As a victim of adultery myself, I find it difficult to not empathize with the gut wrenching fall out of Pastor Bob’s actions. His wife is most certainly experiencing a pain I would not wish on anyone. He has however, admitted fault and let us assume he is earnestly contrite. What is most troubling to me, is the public lynching that has ensued.

    “This is a very big deal.” Yes, all sin is.
    But I admonish all who desire to persecute him. Ask yourself 2 questions:

    1. Am I guilty of replacing God with a celebrity Pastor after being repeatedly warned (often times by Pastor Bob himself) NOT to do so?

    2. Is there a Gospel reading that validates this very public persecution?

    Please don’t think I am purporting to dismiss his egregious behavior. But, sin is sin. We are all guilty of transgressions. Where there is honest accountability and contrition, do we not have an obligation to provide some measure of mercy?

    Is not mercy the very cornerstone with which Jesus Christ ransomed Himself for our salvation? I believe it is indeed.
    Further, I believe the well meaning people of his congregation squandered an opportunity to display this seminal virtue…..

    Or put another way, ” Sign me up for this Jesus thing….. I can’t wait to give it all I have knowing that if I fall into sin……. My brothers and sisters in Christ will turn their backs on me!!!”

    The point here is, Pastor Bob’s action were clearly inappropriate. He hurt his wife and children deeply. He needs to make it right with God and with them.
    Publicly disgracing him and his personal failings do nothing to aide in anyones salvation.

    Christ offered redemption to all, if they were truly sorry for their sins. Pastor Bob deserves that.

    What WOULD Jesus do?

  14. Marylou Stansbury says:

    Well said, James! Very insightful, thank YOU for sharing.

  15. Anonymous says:

    Thank you Marylou……

  16. Deborah says:

    I watched the Calvary Chapel Ft. Lauderdale service online tonight as there was a special message. When Pastor Doug came out the congregation gave him a standing ovation. I didn’t clue into what was happening until later on the Pastors were called on stage and announcement that Pastor Doug was to be named the new lead pastor another standing ovation – more cheering, clapping, whistling etc. Then Pastor Chet said a prayer and then some more cheering etc. I haven’t been to the church since the fall out of Pastor Bob and looking on I could only look at that circus that I once was a part of. I get that Pastor Doug got a promotion and should congratulate him, but the service tonight looked like a rock concert worshipping their rock star…..again. Pastor Doug is only in the position because the last pastor had a fall from grace. It appeared that Pastor Doug was embarrassed by the display when he came back to say thanks and asked for more worship music because we are here worshipping Jesus after all, then left the stage. Yes, even I have to admit that they looked like sheeple worshipping a human(s).

    • heartbrokeneyesopened says:

      I watched it too, the end of the first service and all of the second. At the end of the second service as they were panning out over the congregation, you could see the cut where they cut in for those of us online, where Pastor Fidel had said from the first service how he has been there the longest and how it was like giving away his daughter for marriage and that he has no problem calling Pastor Doug his pastor. You are correct Deborah, it was very rock concert like in their applause for Pastor Doug. There was also an introduction of all of the pastor’s wives, a pretty thorough explanation as to how they came up with the decision (citing that ultimately, this was just them finishing a “successor” plan that was started over a year ago), and then some intense mentioning and prayer for Pastor Doug’s wife. From what I understand, the issues with BC had been going on for an extended amount of time, including confronting him about said issues. It almost felt like (at least to me) that they were/are trying to make up for that, for knowing while they all worked there for the last only the Lord knows how long, and taught, and interacted with congregation, that the lead pastor was in fact, violating thousands of people’s trust. I pray that God gets the glory in all of this somehow.

    • ssj says:

      I attended many years .. sad to say .. honestly this is the mentality of many there.. the Cult of Personality.

  17. soultivating says:

    First, thanks so much for this article. I am glad people are bold enough to talk about what’s happened.

    As a current member of this church I will say that God is cleansing His church (not just CCFTL – I mean ALL churches) and bringing light to all things. Whether people want to believe it or not, this is going on in your church as well as many other sins unfortunately.

    I would say is that all who profess to be Christian need to really begin to look at our lives intimately and scrutinize our actions to make sure that we ourselves are living holy, not just talking about ideally how holy looks.

    With everything that happened last month I am sure those who were following Pastor Bob because they idolized him I am sure are gone or will leave. I pray that they will stay so that the Lord can heal them and show them that only God will stand.

    Because of the wave of pain people felt, and how many wondered what would happen, I know that much of the elation is due to being able to see forward movement when Pastor Doug’s promotion was announced. It symbolized that even though someone in leadership sinned, God WILL NOT stop what he is doing, and He has not given up on us! People respect Pastor Doug. I have personally worked for him with 4KIDS of South Florida and I will say that he is a very transparent leader. Anyway, I think people felt the healing beginning with the announcement and they express it uninhibitedly. Every service is not a “rock concert.” but I will say I do enjoy worshipping the Lord in song and it is an enjoyable experience.

    Looking forward and reflecting over the past 7 weeks, I have seen such resurgence of love and dedication to not only really be direct and transparent about what happened, but also ignite a hopeful spirit. I am excited for revival.

    So, as a member of CCFTL, and more importantly as a sister to all of you as a member of the body of Christ I ask that you continue to pray for our church, Bob and his family for restoration and strength, and also for every church member and church leader world-wide because we are all susceptible to sin. I would really warn against being cynical, preachy, or scapegoating because it is a plot from the enemy to disunify the body of Christ. If we are all pitted against each other, then he doesn’t have to worry about us being effective bringing the Gospel to others and fighting him because we would be merely hypocrites.

    God bless you all. I pray that the Lord is blessing your life!

    • Thank you so much for sharing! I love hearing how God is still moving. I love you guys and I am praying for you. God bless you!!!!

    • Deborah says:

      I left the church not because I “idolized” Pastor Bob but because I felt spiritually abused by listening to sermons over 7 years from someone that was not practicing what he was preaching. I attended Saturday night services and liked to sit at the front and there was a woman that whistled and cheered after every song and when the pastor came out. She blasted with her fingers in her mouth loud whistling and she knew it disturbed many of us but continued and we would just plug our ears. When I watched on line for Wednesday night service I can still hear her very distinct whistle. There was also another woman in the same area that screamed after each song and also when the pastor came out. It was like watching teenagers at a rock concert. So yes, the sermons have been like rock concerts that I witnessed when Pastor Bob came out in the past, and especially when Pastor Clay was also there. She told me she liked to cheer on the worship team so sounds like she wasn’t there for the Lord but as a cheerleader for the staff. I have listened to Pastor Doug and find that he is polar opposite of what Pastor Bob was and totally different teaching style that I don’t care for. I feel God has called me to go to another church and have been going to few and there are some really good Pastor’s here which is a blessing. If people want to stay at Calvary Chapel that is up to them but don’t assume that the ones that left were idolizing Pastor Bob. I still believe that Pastor Bob had a great gift from God in his preaching style, unfortunately he abused that gift. I watched the announcement service of Pastor Doug and the comment that Pastor Fidel made, all be it awkward about the bride and giving her away and wondered why the church censored that comment from the second online service? Why did Calvary Chapel do that? Let’s not forget that Pastor Bob and Pastor Fidel founded that church and it will always be Pastor Bob’s church. They can remove all traces of the man but can’t erase the fact that he founded that church and that is his legacy no matter how he tarnished it. The fact that they censored Pastor Fidel’s remark makes it appear that they can erase anything they don’t want the congregation to hear and I don’t believe that should be done and I find that misleading the congregation. After watching that service the congregation really went overboard with all the standing ovations. I am sure God doesn’t want us to cheer on another Pastor. Like Pastor Bob always said no matter what ever happens to him or the church always stand strong in the Lord. Man will always fail us but Jesus never will. And Jesus is with us wherever we are. We should not be giving 3 standing ovations for the next “leader” of the church because it really appears that the congregation is idolizing another leader.

      • VanPastorMan says:

        Deb, I pastor a small church and have never had a standing ovation when I came out. But the good news is nobody has thrown fruit either. Make sure you love your new pastor and accept him for being himself. I’ve heard Bob Coy preach before and there is no doubt that he has a talent there. Your new pastor is not him, and thankfully so because the Lord calls us all to different stations in life. We have to use what He gave us to His glory.

      • DHale says:

        The web isn’t fully cleansed of CC/Coy vids, not by a long shot…just few items w/his name specifically forefront.

  18. MARIA says:

    EXCUSE ME! CALVARY CHAPEL IS NOT BOB COY OR PASTOR FIDEL GOMEZ CHURCH, THAT IS THE LORD JESUS CHURCH. THE LORD PUTS AND THE LORD TAKES, SO HE CALLED BOB COY AND FIDEL GOMEZ TO RAISE THAT CHURCH, BUT FOR GOOD TESTIMONY NOT TO BE ON PULPIT PREACHING ONE THING AND DOING ANOTHER THING, I KNOW GOD USED BOB COY BUT, HE IN AGREEMENT WITH A LOT OF BAD THINGS THAT WERE HAPPENING IN CALVARY CHAPEL FORT LAUDERDALE FOR LONG TIME! I SAW A FEW PEOPLE OUT OF CALVARY CHAPEL CAUSE THEIR BEHAVIOR, AND THAT WAS ONE OF MY MORE IMPORTANT PRAYERS, THAT GOD TAKE OUT ALL HYPOCRITE PEOPLE FROM THERE AND HE ANSWERS MY PRAYERS, AND STILL THERE ARE PEOPLE LEAVING THAT CHURCH, CAUSE THEIR BAD TESTIMONY AND THEY WILL GO A LOT YET UNTIL GOD PUT THE PEOPLE HE WANTS IN THERE, NOT ONLY FROM THE CHURCH BUT FROM CCA, FROM THE GRILL, AND OTHERS AREAS. THERE ARE A LOT OF PEOPLE WORKING AT CALVARY SAYING THEY WORK FOR THE LORD, BUT WHEN YOU SEE THEIR WORK, YOU CAN SAY FOR WHO THEY WORK FOR. I KNOW NOBODY IS PERFECT, BUT AS CHRISTIAN WE NEED TO SHOW THAT WE ARE REALLY THE LIGHT IN THIS DARK WORLD

  19. Anonymous says:

    My dear Pastor Bob: I can’t even imagine what you, your wife and kids are going thru, right now. I used to live in Ft. Lauderdale and go to your church. Before that I used to go to Fidel Gomez church on Nob Hill and McNab, also the one on Oakland Park Blvd. I said that to introduce myself. I know you sinned, so does everyone else, we all sin. For some it is adultery, or lying, or pornography, or murder or whatever. To God it’s all the same SIN. We tend to give some sins more importance than others, but God doesn’t see it that way. I love you very much and always enjoyed you funny preaching. I do not judge you, even though I know it was a bad choice from your part. I hope your wife and kids can forgive you as I know God did. You are in my prayers, and I pray everyone in Calvary Chapel does too. and I hope everyone realize that we all sin and should be aware that God is the only one that can and will judge all of us. God bless you and keep you, God make His face to shine upon you, God turn His face towards you, be gracious to you and give you His peace.

  20. Robert Vance says:

    It is true that sin is sin to God. But there are different consequences for different sins. In the Old Testaments some sins brought the death penalty. Other sins like theft, you had to pay twice the amount you stole. If a pastor cusses because the light turned red. It is a sin. But it is not the same consequence for that sin than in Pastor Bob’s case adultery. If I were to talk to Bob Coy about his situation I would advise him to stay out of the pastorate for a long time. This would be for his good and ultimate good for the cause of Christ. I am not saying that he can never be a pastor again. But it should be after a long period of soul searching and getting his heart right. We do a disservice to men of God when we try to push them back into ministry too soon. Richard Baxter once said that a pastor can be redeemed back into ministry, but it is only when his repentance says more about him than his sin did. I pray for Pastor Bob that this would be the case for him.

  21. KC Bunch says:

    AMEN! And Thank You for that reitteration….ever feel like no one actually read the initial article?

  22. laura phillips says:

    I love your article and you said everything I was thinking or trying to convey to others.

  23. Del says:

    My husband committed adultery twice. The firsts time it happened, I found out about it by accident. I was hurt but I was willing to make thing work for the both of us. We opened up to our closest friends, a couple who were elders at church, my husband and I were active members. When we shared our dilemma the first thing our friends were concern about was restoring my husband. Not only that I was betrayed by my husband but having to hear my friends more concern of restoring my husband right away and wasn’t even concern about how I felt was another betrayal for me. I was forced to heal right away and found myself restoring my husband as our friends expected me to do. Not that I needed time to heal, but I felt I would have loved a time to heal and had friends who were checking on me rather than checking on my husband how his restoration was going. I drew myself so close to The Lord during those times because He was the only one who felt how I really felt. He cried with me I felt it! He caress my cheeks when tears were rolling down my eyes. Then a year after that, we were stationed to a different base. We became very active members of the church, my husband an elder and I was a bible study teacher. Two years later, my husband once again fell from grace, I accidentally found it, for sure God exposed it by having me found it. It had been going on for months before I found out about it. I was very hurt. We both called our Pastor and his wife so that we could tell them about his infidelity. The meeting was very emotional for all of us. I received an email from the Pastor’s wife the next day, reminding me of forgiveness and God’s plan of restoration. I was very hurt nice again that after sharing with them that this is the second time, the Pastor’s fe was more concern of restoring him. I did not want to fry my husband but I was expecting tough love but rather I was asked once again to forgive right away. I did not have any unforgiveness in my heart even when I found out about it the second time, what I had was, sadness that The Lord kept being mocked because my husband didn’t care to change because restoration and forgiveness seem so easy to acquire without consequences. I realized after reading that email, that Christians are afraid to subject people especially people in leadership to consequences of their actions. I stayed married with my husband and since the church wasn’t willing to discipline him except to take him out as an elder of the church but kept him on the other major positions. There was a time I wanted to be bitter with the wife Pastor for taking my husband as the victim, but, I though if I would do that, Satan had finally succeeded and would claim victory over me. By God’s grace my husband is restored, I’m restored and we are now serving God with integrity and such honesty. Yes, Christians are very prone to minimizing the sin. I think they feel it’s their duty to restore a Christian who fall from grace because they think it’s the right thing to do, afraid to impose consequences.

    • Del, thank you so much for sharing your story with me (us). I was so moved by it. I made my husband come sit down and let me read it to him. We discussed it, and we discussed similar situations with people we know of. It is tragic. Praise God that The Lord worked victory for you both, and that you got through it without enduring bitterness. I admire you so much.

      I pray that we can all spread awareness on this issue. We should never minimize the pain of betrayal and hurt in someone’s life, by obligating a victim to rush restoration. It is asking them to skip the healing process.

      God bless you!!!

    • James Maughan says:

      Del…… THANK YOU for writing your story. I think the faith and patience you displayed was incredibly inspiring. Forgive my simplistic synopsis but you answered heartache with Christian love. Further, you patiently endured all of it with dignity.

      I wrote earlier about this issue and pointed out the public lynching of Pastor was Bob was what I objected to. I was also a victim of adultery. My church basically ignored her actions under some humanist premise of “not judging.” With deference to The Last Hikers comments above, I must say my mind is considering both your point of views. It is quite compelling. Thank you both for your comments.

      Both great posts…..

  24. Del says:

    It was easier for me to love than hate. When we moved to another base after the last one, my husband was diagnosed of cancer. He expected me to leave him, our friends who knew his infidelities expected the same. After all, it was like an ultimate revenge in my behalf. People had such a low estimate of me, not only that they enforced me to forgive like I didn’t know how to do it on my own, but also expected me to abandon my husband at his darkest time. I really didn’t know what to make of or think of my Christian friends at the time, they thought, all those years I harbored ill- will against my husband that I would rejoice over anything that would harm him. One friend asked, “Del you aren’t going to leave him, are you?”. I said, what do you think? But I asked her not to answer me aloud, but whatever her answer was, to keep it to herself because I was done getting instructions from anybody. I told my husband, that when I gave my life to The Lord I meant it! That means, nothing will get in the way of me serving Him and loving him with all of me, not a betrayal from family and friends, not even a cancer from a person who hurt me. Serving my husband at his darkest time was serving God! It was tough and dark for both of us, his physical pain was mine too, but, those times were his turning point. I constantly prayed with him that God will heal him, that God will give him another chance and He did! With that physical healing came spiritual healing and emotional healing for both of us! Cancer made him opened his eyes, about the Grace of God! My forgiveness to him for those 2 occasions of adultery didn’t come to him as “grace” but eventually God cannot be mocked! He will let his grace be recognized and understood in whatever fashion that might be, in my husband’s case “cancer”.

    I really believe that a lot of victims are open and ready to forgive for there is such power that comes with it. But, when people start suggesting to the victim about forgiveness, that’s when unforgiveness sets in. A victim needs compassion not directions or suggestions. Hugs and prayers will suffice. With Diane (Bob Coy’s wife), I pray that she is surrounded with loving people who are just there just to love her. Her knowledge of God will be her strength that will guide her and lead her to be strong. The people around her are just there to deliver compassion, therefore I pray that they will not miss that. I would have loved to have those moments when I could have cried my hurt to someone, but, I am also grateful that I was denied of those opportunities because God became my very close and very best friend! My God never hammered me with the “forgiveness” thing, but He rather invited me and encouraged me to cry all my hurt, my hurt that nobody was willing to accommodate. I experienced first hand God’s amazing comfort and that His yoke was light and easy! When friends fail to do their godly duty, turn to God and He will not fail us!

    • James Maughan says:

      YES!!! The truth be told NO ONE reached out to me! It was the darkest time of my life. The man she committed adultery with is living in the house I paid for, in front of my daughter ( 50% of the time.)

      No one validated my pain and all I heard from people was to forgive.
      Or, my personal favorite “you need to get over this and move on.” I’m wondering if this is because I am a man? Can someone answer this question for me:

      Is it possible to forgive, in the true sense of the word, when no one is asking for it? My ex-wife still has not admitted the affair. As I said, the man is living in the house I paid for. I pray daily that God soften both their hearts.
      I also pray that they realize what they have done. But in all sincerity, I would appreciate an answer. I tend to think that I can trust God and pray for them, but true forgiveness requires someone contrite. Anything else is acceptance which I am striving for …..and have achieved…… I would greatly appreciate an answer because on top of everything else I have to cut a sizable child support check….. And that money appears to go to their Bar bill at the club. I have to purchase everything my daughter needs…… It has truly been a pride swallowing, gut wrenching ride.

      Any insight would truly be appreciated… And certainly any prayers. I am not kidding. Can someone offer me insight to this…Thank you.

      • In my opinion, I believe that forgiveness is simply that you are not trying to get even or expect reimbursement. It is not an emotion but a choice. And it has nothing to do with reconciliation, warm feelings, or thinking positively about the situation. I think a lot of Christians are confused about this and expect us to feel as though it never happened. This is why so many victims of sex abuse have been told to “forgive” and that they need to let that abuser back in their life. Which is insane. But they do it, because they feel like unforgiveness is almost as bad as molestation or rape.

        Look at Samson. He was a fool. Delilah kept betraying him. And he kept forgiving, but it was more than forgiving. He forgot. He should have been wise and stayed away. You don’t have to forgive and forget; it puts you in danger of being hurt again.

        When King Saul was throwing spears at David. David fled. He didn’t just stick around and keep taking it. When the opportunity to kill Saul presented itself. He didn’t take it. Forgiveness isn’t reconciliation; that isn’t always possible. And it isn’t not being angry. David was mighty angry at Saul, as seen in the Psalms. Forgiveness is letting what they did to you be done and over, and not seeking to get even. Letting God deal with them.

        By praying for them, you are doing good. That is awesome. That is what the Bible says to do. Surrender your emotions to God. Every time anger triggers you, pray for them and know that is all you can do. As far as being able to forgive when they are not asking for it. Yes you can. You can stop waiting for them to make it right with you. Give it to God. I am in that situation with some family members right now. They sinned against me. But they won’t say sorry. They are too busy blaming me for anything they can think of. They won’t say sorry or admit what they did. I have forgiven them, and I pray for them just the way you are–but I cannot reconcile or have peace with them until they repent. They will just keep hurting us. So for me, I can forgive even without reconciliation.

        That might not make sense. So maybe this will help. Like Del was saying about her husband having cancer, and how people thought it would make her happy. Would you be happy if your wife got cancer or something bad happened to her? Would you think she got what she deserved? Or would you feel bad for her and have compassion. That is something that can help you see if you have forgiven. Compassion. I would be torn to pieces if my family got sick or died. That shows you care and you still love them, even though you have been hurt.

        Restoration is great, warm feelings are good too–but they are not always easy or possible. Seeking to honor God is not easy either, but with His help it is possible.

        God bless you.

      • Del says:

        I believe that every rejection we receive from people is an opportunity to be drawn closer to The Lord, an opportunity to do God’s will. I believe that though God allowed us to be victims, He certainly doesn’t want us to feel and live like victims. In His presence, we will conquer all! His Holy Spirit will help us conquer hate, bitterness and all that isn’t of God, and replace them of everything that’s of God. Only then and only then, we will discover that not by our might but by His might that things that our flesh can’t do, God can! In those two occasions of my husband’s infidelity, he never once asked for forgiveness, why should he? when in front of him, our friends asked me that I should forgive him, our friends asked forgiveness in his behalf and my husband thought that with them asking for it was as good as his. It is also possible to go through tragedy and be the victim of such and yet there is not a place of unforgiveness or bitterness in the heart. The presence of pain does not indicate the presence of unforgiveness. People are confused about these two. I was in pain but I wasn’t harboring bitterness. And for friends to suggest that I should forgive, hurt me even more because there was a suggestion in their part that my pain was due to bitterness. I was in pain but I wasn’t bitter. For instance, I was in pain because the other woman was a very close friend of ours, with little kids I baby sat on weekends on my day off, only to have a rendezvous with my husband, I was naive. He left her children with me because he’d used the excuse with her husband that she’d be with me. The greater the offense is, the greater the opportunity to show our love for The Lord! When their secret came out in the open, the other woman asked me to not reveal it to her husband, she begged me, I told her, she doesn’t need to beg, I care about her children so much that I was willing to keep everything to ourselves and keep her husband out of it. When we choose to let bitterness go we will not get a standing ovation from anybody, because as victims, people expect us to respond in love instead of hate, but, we aren’t making this choice to satisfy people but rather to defeat satan of his scheme, of his lies that we have been hurt and betrayed therefore we should be bitter against those who hurt us, that in the end if we believe his lies will bind us to a mediocre life disabling us to live life with joy, peace, comfort and all the beautiful things that’s of God. but It gives us victims a great satisfaction in the end, to know we have glorified and honored God through our darkest times when we choose to love. What was meant for evil, God uses it for good!

    • DHale says:

      The phrase that kind of irks me is that ‘horrible news’ phrase. Its always good that The Bride is cleaned of disobedience. God promises to turn ALL things for His glory. We are taught to love the sinner, hate the sin, and prayerfully trust God to fully work in Pastor Coy’s heart.

  25. James Maughan says:

    Thank you……… Your points are all valid. Thank you for taking the time to respond in a thoughtful, non judgmental manner. I have been searching for someone to answer this question in some reasonable, logical way. You just did. EVERYTHING you wrote makes sense. The point about sex abuse victims is DEAD ON.

    You have sincerely done me a great service and I am most grateful.

    As a final note, your astute observations about Christianity and forgiveness are no small matter.
    I believe this is misinterpreted regularly and has allowed unnecessary continuation of pain for victims. Again, my sincere gratitude for your response.

  26. Hannah says:

    James
    “Is it possible to forgive, in the true sense of the word, when no one is asking for it? My ex-wife still has not admitted the affair. As I said, the man is living in the house I paid for. I pray daily that God soften both their hearts.”

    The problem as I see re: forgiveness– it is not about whether that person is asking for forgiveness, The problem is whether you have the truth from them. I have a hard time extending forgiveness if I don’t believe I have the truth.
    This applies in any given situation where forgiveness needs to be extended.
    I have shared that dilemma with a few Pastors and none have answered me where I have been satisfied.
    The question is — Ex: Someone has hurt you. The hurt was based on lies told to you.
    You choose to believe what they are saying is true because there is nothing else offered.
    You keep bringing it up in your mind because the issue is not settled because the story has been changed so many times that you question the sincerity and truthfulness of the person.
    How can one forgive in this instance? How does the doubt leave your mind where you can truly reconcile with this person?

  27. mark valenzuela says:

    You are right about the error of that Church calling it a moral failure. That’s like saying Jesus got beat up really bad for us so we can be happy. No Bob Coy committed Adultery, idolatry, fornication etc. See the seriousness of it. That is the only way to appreciate the torture, mutilation and murder of Jesus Christ for our sins. When you teach only love, grace, transformed lives, happiness etc. And not repent, die to the flesh, follow Jesus as your LORD. Then you find yourself swimming in easy grace and live a lie by telling yourself that your saved because Jesus loves you. The Church needs to wake up, I need to wake up and understand that God did not sacrifice His Son so we can feel good and be comfortable. Every true believer is a sinner saved by Gods grace, but in the words of the sinner/apostle paul, “shall we continue in sin that grace my abound, God forbid!!!

  28. kristy summers says:

    I find this article very disturbing. I am therapist and it seems that when a person who is held with so high regard falls due to HUMAN SIN everybody can’t wait to execute him. I think there are people who use a man so profound to help them justify their own incompetence and failure to achieve anything close to what Bob has is sad. I do understand that these people somehow enjoy when great men fall to somehow make them self feel less inadequate of their own shortcomings. His previous flock will forgive the man that at every sermon asked who had sinned that day. Pastor Bob always raised his hand first. So where did he lie. Pastor Bob is like David, a man after Gods heart. Sorry to to tell you but not only does God give second chances but Pastor Bob will return if possible even greater then before. God will use this man again. I will pray for you

    • KCB says:

      As a therapist, you of all people should know that actions generate consequences and if you are a student of the Word of God, you should know that pastors, elders, and teachers are held to a higher standard of their actions and suffer more deliberate consequences. According to birth the Apostle Paul and James, the brother of Jesus, those who teach one thing yet do another are to be swiftly and publicly disciplined and dealt with. If a man in authority continues in his sin (which Bob Coy did multiple times even after being held accountable) he is to be removed from his ministry position, so as not to give cause or excuse for others to continue on in their own sin. One would think a student of Scripture would not have an issue with that.

  29. Jenn S. says:

    I agree with the article and many of the comments as well. I do feel as if far too many people cast a positive light on what was/is a grievous situation.
    For starters, should they have used “moral failure” instead of saying like it was? I suppose not. However, I think at the time they were either trying to protect the Coy family from people finding out the whole story, or they were trying to soften the blow or some such thing of a situation that was already going to difficult to handle. Whatever the reason, it wouldn’t surprise me that if they could do it again, they might have done it differently.
    Why did Bob write a letter, instead of telling the situation in person? Perhaps he was unable to face it, the congregation, etc, in person. Maybe the church was afraid he would try to preach and teach, instead of confessing. However, my understanding was that he was already outed. So, again, this was the way they thought best to handle it, even if others did not agree.
    Why so much grace and not enough people wanting justice? Well, many said it, we are all sinners and God can forgive us no matter what. However, some, I think, were just in shock and could not face the fact that a beloved pastor had fallen. Some did not think the situation over well enough. In any case I do agree there was a lot of grace, but few consequences. I do believe there should be consequences for his actions.
    So, why did the congregation act like a rock concert when Doug was announced as the new pastor? While it was sad to see so many people get so carried away, I think for some it was an expression of hope, that God will continue to use this church, despite the difficult times. For others, they simply like Doug, and were happy to see he was chosen. Unfortunately, it only takes some really loud cheerers to make the rest of the congregation look silly. I hope people can learn from this and not do it again.
    Yes, there are hypocrites in this church amongst the workers, volunteers and the attenders in general. Yes, they serve themselves and not the Lord. But, don’t let a few sour grapes make you believe the whole bunch is sour. There are many people there who are sincere lovers of God and serve him honestly. Remember, hypocrites are found everywhere, in every church, not just Calvary.
    So, while I no longer live in Florida, during my seven or so years at Calvary, I can honestly say while I was not in agreement with everything, I did get some of my best teaching there compared to any other church I had been at. I was grieved and deeply hurt by what has happened. But, I know God is good and He can used even this to work for Him. I know eventually, given time, prayer and a lot of work, Bob, his family, and the church can be healed and restored. Let’s use this as an opportunity to take the time to examine our own lives and turn them over to God. Let’s pray for the the Coy family, especially for his wife and children. Finally, let’s give this all over to God and let Him be the final judge and restorer. In the end, I think that is all we can really do.

  30. fran webster says:

    As a proud

  31. I love Pastor Bob, I was saved through his life, I am so grieved for Diane and the church… That’s a terrible pain and long healing process… May she stand and let the Lord save the family..

  32. Anonymous says:

    How dare you judge anyone. You should get on your knees and repent for judgeing.Who made you God.woo to you.

    • Wow, you sound rather judgmental.

    • VanPastorMan says:

      Judgment starts with the people of God. So in your view we can’t say anyone is doing wrong? Should Bob Coy be allowed to go ahead and pastor without any repercussions? To say we can’t judge means that we have no moral values. What kind of thinking is this? It’s not biblical. Now I do believe that we must pray for Pastor Bob’s restoration as a husband and father. And possibly someday he might be fit for pastoral ministry again. But that day should be far down the road.

    • Del says:

      If one of your children commits a crime, and your children knows about it, would you rather have them bring it to your attention or rather have them turn a blind eye on it and pretend it didn’t happen, that when you find out about it, it’s from outsiders, then worse you’ll also find out the rest of your children knew about it but decided to turn a blind eye on the crime. There is a difference between judging and accountability. We bring into attention our brothers and sisters in Christ when they commit a sin, not to judge them, but to be an accountable brother and sister in Christ. Condoning a brother or sister when they sin, is a responsibility we have to answer to God at one point. When you find out that your children condones their brother who sinned, would you be happy? And perhaps, the children didn’t want to bring it into your attention for fear of being called “judgmental” and would you take that as an excuse? We as Christians are accountable one to another, and, if we put it, that being accountable is being judgmental, then we are defying how we should look after each other as Christians. I hope you will never come across a brother or sister in Christ who is sinning because you would not have a strength enough nor wise enough to know when it’s “respect” and “accountability” that needs to take place to bring our brother and sister into the open if it’s necessary. And the Holy Spirit will tell you so, but I doubt it, if you will recognize that, since you define “accountable” as judgmental.

    • Bianca Gibree says:

      Amen, Amen

  33. Mark Snyder says:

    So when God forgives our sin is there a period of reconciliation? In who’s eyes is this a big deal? I find your responses interesting from a Biblical perspective. When God and His grace forgives, I don’t read anywhere about a time frame for reconciliation. This whole idea about maybe down the road sometime he can become a pastor/teacher again is wrong. Gods gifting and call doesn’t disappear when we sin…if it does then we are not saved by grace we are saved by supposedly not sinning, oh but wait, if it’s a BIG sin then the BIG sin sends us to our room until we reach this magical time of restoration. Why we treat different sins differently is mind boggling to me. God sure doesn’t when it comes to confession and forgiveness. The worst thing the church or people can do is disqualify a repentant sinner. Your Paul scripture about the son sleeping with his mom is about an unrepentant person. What the church needs to practice and the unsaved world needs to see is a loving Father running to his prodigal son with arms stretched. It’s sad to say that the church has lost touch with the grace and love of God…instead the church has perfected judgment and supposed salvation by works…seriously, if he clings to God Bob will be okay? Jesus says no man can snatch us out of Gods grip. Who’s clinging to whom? Are we truly saved and kept by the grace of God…I know I am. And that’s what makes faith in trust in Jesus so freeing.

    • Mark, yeah. We disagree. I certainly think there is such thing as a restoration process. It is Biblical. And necessary. It has nothing to do with God’s forgiveness or salvation. It has to do with healing for Bob and those he hurt. You are oversimplifying grace and minimizing repeated long term adultery. We as Christians don’t have a free pass on that. Paul beat his body into submission, lest after preaching salvation to others he wouldn’t himself be disqualified. He took his own purity seriously.

      I guess your last few sentences come down to whether or not you believe you can lose your salvation (which I never even brought up because I wrote as if Bob was going to repent and get right with God). There are verses in the Bible that show that The Lord keeps us, amen!!! But there is also the parable of the sower and the seed, where Jesus talks about some people who receive Him with joy, but later reject Him because of trials, sin, or unbelief. So while I am not afraid of anything snatching me out of the hands of Christ. I do guard my heart that I don’t CHOOSE myself to leave him for the things of the world.

      We need to guard our hearts. In the New Testament we see Demas rejected Christ after preaching with Paul, having loved the world more.

      We need to be careful. Sin is a subtle process. Little small choices to disobey, to disagree with God on what is good and bad. It progresses and it divides our heart. Soon we love evil more than God, and we are ensnared by our sins. God can free us again, if we want–but by then, some people will no longer want to be free. They will dive head first back into the world. Maybe never to come back. That isn’t freeing, that is scary. I have seen it many times and I never get over it.

  34. VanPastorMan says:

    Mark, the verse below says a pastor must be above reproach. This means that he lives in such a way that nothing clings to him. How can you say Pastor Bob is above reproach since he committed sin and was caught? How do you know he is repentant? Your way of thinking is very dangerous to him and to the body of Christ at large. Can Pastor Bob regain his, “above reproach” status? Yes, but it takes a lot of time. What you want to do is put him back in the pressure cooker of ministry where he will most undoubtedly fail again.

    NAS 1 Timothy 3:2 An overseer, then, must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, temperate, prudent, respectable, hospitable, able to teach,…….

    • Mark Snyder says:

      Van, that is your interpretation of the verse…really, what pastor practices all those virtues And never fails at any of them? I never said Bob is above reproach nor do I claim to know his heart. How can he regain if he has already failed at it? I don’t see a grace clause in these requirements. Oh yeah, some person defines that, huh. Our God is able to take of His church. I’m simply sharing my thoughts and opinion. And if that’s dangerous to you…well, I dont know what to tell you. The church is a bunch of sinners, at best trying to grow in the grace and knowledge of God…at worst being open, honest, and genuine with our sins. How do you know Bob will fail again?

      • Bianca Gibree says:

        We are all sinners and have fallen short of God’s grace.. The Bible says ,” If you are truly sorry for your sins, confess them and you will be forgiven”. It does not specify which sin is worst than another. Wouldn’t you agree Murder is worse?? If you are without sin throw the first stone. Can’t you all just pray for the man. Please stop this. Pastor Bob, Be Blessed and I am forgiving you from my broken heart. I am praying for you.

      • VanPastorMan says:

        Mark, here is the definition of Anepileptos which is the greek word for above reproach.
        not apprehended, that cannot be laid hold of
        that cannot be reprehended, not open to censure, irreproachable
        Is everyone who goes to church sinners in that they do sin against God and people? Sure they are. None of us are sinless till we get to Heaven. The point about being above reproach is a higher standard though. Bob Coy has fallen off that standard. You asked how can he regain it? It’s when his repentance far outweighs his sin. The danger is putting him back in the pulpit too quickly. Remember this is God’s church we are talking about. None of us are irreplaceable. God’s church will go on. It doesn’t need Bob Coy and it doesn’t need me. If there is not the biblical higher standard of being above reproach then what we have is a valueless Christianity. It means that programs and people are what drives ministry instead of God directed leadership of the Holy Spirit. I say again, the worst thing you can do is to put Bob Coy back in the pulpit. In the long run he is far better on the back pew regaining his spiritual stamina and putting his life back together.

        • Mark Snyder says:

          Van, what your saying makes sense. But I’m gonna have to be honest with you. In all my years of following Christ, mostly in the Calvary Chapels, I have never seen nor heard of this happening to a pastor. Let alone a pastor of Bobs status. David Hocking is the closest and he was taken in by Chuck Smith rather quickly. I mean do you really see Bob and his wife sitting in the back of the church with all the shame and guilt that this sin brings with it without causing any divisions within the church? Hey I’m all for Bob and his family and I hope the best for them. I’m a firm believer in The God of not only second chances but multiple chances. My next question is…have you ever seen your process work?

          • Mark Snyder says:

            C’mon Van don’t let me down…You were quick to answer me with your greek and how Bob has fallen and what needs to happen….I ask you again has your process ever worked?

  35. Del says:

    What is wrong with you Mark? Did you ever consider that there are other victims here more than just Bob (as you make him sound to be). His wife and children are the real victims in this tragic story. Unless, you have been face to face to real victims, please do not go on to your nonsense. I was a victim, a wife of an elder of a church, an admired elder who committed adultery. The church has sets of discipline but when it came to my husband, the church concern was more into restoring him, removing him from eldership position but transferring him to major position at church was their restoration process, it sucked in my opinion. They didn’t want to be branded as condemning brothers, like you with your analogy of the woman, he who has no sin cast the first stone, therefore nobody cast a stone on my husband, he was restored alright. In the meantime, I was hurting, deeply wounded but the church didn’t care about it. I asked that my husband be removed from any positions at the church to give us (family) time to reflect, to heal and such, but their answer, it’s easier to heal while serving. Nobody heard my cry, the church was more concern of not being called “judgmental” or whatever their reason in not placing my husband to a harsher discipline, I hurt. While he was back doing church, I focused on restoring my faith in him, I was left alone restoring the kids to not lose faith in him. It was hard for me to watch our kids losing their respect for church and their father but I steered them to not look at church but to God. Their father and church could abandon and ignore our hurts but God wouldn’t. My husband would come home from every church function so elated from its success while we were still healing and he did not even have a clue because in his eyes, he’d been forgiven by the church, how can his family not. There is a difference between forgiveness and healing process. We forgave him but there’s also a healing to take place specially if there are kids involved. My husband wasn’t there during the healing process of my kids because how could he be there when he couldn’t understand the need for healing process, the church restored him quickly.
    If you think Bob deserves a second chance, removing him from church body is the best second chance he can ever have, because its giving him time to be there for his family during this time of restoration. Restoration does not only need to take place with serving at church but so much more as a family. In the meantime, let them as family stay away from the limelight and live a private life as they can for the sake of Bob restoring his own family, his kids especially. For a family who suffers a blow with this magnitude, it needs a lot of “Bob” to show his wife and kids, he deserves a second chance. His family giving him “forgiveness” is one thing, but trust, respect and faith in him is another thing, and it takes a renewed and contrite “Bob” to gain those things from his family. It is hard to focus on restoring the family if he’s back on the wagon. They will know as a family when it’s time to serve again. It might appear that their disappearance from the spotlight is all to do with church, but, the family itself needs such time off. There is a season for everything! Allowing someone who committed sin to disappear or take time off isn’t always a case of “judgmental” in the part of “policing body” as you put it. You have to be a victim of such to know what you are talking about. Throwing scriptures at such a delicate matter as this and have not been through such an experiencing is ignorant. Im a wife with kids when the adultery happened in our family, tough time, tragic time. But it was more tragic to have a husband who couldn’t relate to the pain of his family because church itself made sure he knew he was forgiven and life went on for him at church almost immediately after his fall.

  36. Pingback: Fallen Pastor » Blog Archive "Bob Coy Family Divided" » Fallen Pastor

  37. Randolph says:

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  38. William says:

    I don’t know if any are still reading this thread. I did the same thing Bob Coy did, and more. Looking back, my ministry was abusive to just about everyone. I have no option now but to view myself as a false teacher, condemned to a very awful eternity. I toyed with the Church and the things of God carelessly, using the ministry to fulfill my desires. I’m just beginning to experience the awful consequences. I think you will see Bob Coy’s situation getting worse before it gets better. As of now, I can only get about 2 hours of sleep a night using heavy medication, have debilitating depression to the point I can’t function at anything (even taking a shower is difficult), have had a stint in the mental hospital, and watch things deteriorate in my life. David prayed to God to “Add iniquity to their iniquity” for the wicked, and that is what I feel I am experiencing. Everything I do now is wrong– If I go to work I’m a bad testimony. If I stay home I’m not providing for my family. My heart literally feels physically hard, like a 30 lb. stone. I feel like I’ve been handed over to Satan and am being buffeted by him. I’ve become a joke wherever I go. I can’t concentrate to pay the bills. I expect I will soon be homeless. I was in the ministry, but didn’t fear God– the ultimate kind of hypocrisy. This led to much hypocritical practice. Several of you mentioned God’s justice– it’s already started and I don’t see it getting any easier. I live in perpetual fear of eternity in hell– and the worst places are for false teachers.

    I can’t make the judgment about Bob Coy. However, the principle of 1 John 5 that it’s impossible for someone who continues in sin to be God’s child, because God’s seed is in him is always on my mind, along with many other passages. I have known and contacted several pastors who committed adultery, experienced terrible consequences suddenly (cancer, prison), but then saw God restore them, and many times their families. The difference is these were already God’s child, like King David, when they committed it. They were able to have genuine contrition because they had the Spirit of God already. However, for me, I’m afraid I’m like King Saul– my attempts at confession have not been entire, truly sorrowful of whom I offended, etc.. The result is the most awful thing that can happen to a supposed servant of God: rejection by Him.

    How Bob Coy responds will determine his status. If he demonstrates true contrition like David when he’s first confronted, he probably is God’s child. If not, he’s probably not and will be tormented by Satan’s minions. There can’t be a more horrible existence. God is holy, and He is to be feared– before it’s too late.

    • VanPastorMan says:

      I just prayed for you William. God is not done with you yet. I am not talking about the ministry,but am talking about as a believer. You can move forward from this. Just give your heart to him and let Him use you. That’s a lot different than using God as a means to an end. It’s more liberating. I’ve always pastored small churches. The truth is I don’t have a lot of drive. I try to preach good,visit the sick, and have a good time with my family. Nobody knows my name outside of the small churches I’ve been in. Heck, and I did say Heck not the other word, perhaps my earlier churches have forgotten about me all together.

  39. trewe says:

    When will people finally realize that this charismatic chaos is God’s judgement on a wrong view of His church. You just can’t make something pure from a church model that was birthed in such error.

    • Shawn says:

      A pastor is just a man like the rest of us with moral flaws and failures. Areas of sinfullness where sometimes the flesh gets the best of us. However this doesn’t excuse that behavior nor can it be overlooked by the church as if we as the church want to maintain a sense of peace when we know sin is in the camp. By example people learn one from another and bad company currupts good manners. We ought to be watchful and prayerful who we are allowing ourselves to fellowship with and most importantly knowing who the pastor is not only behind the pulpit but also outside the pulpit and whether he has a hunger for God and displayes that of righteousness or whether he is counterfeit.

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